Owen

I was debating whether to post anything here, but I decided to. I usually post good things, happy things about Owen but today I'm just so sad. I'm sitting up, almost 3:00 in the morning, worried about him. This is what I posted on another board, for parents of kids with special needs.

"It's been a long day, so bear with me if this gets long.

Owen is 4 1/2. He has been diagnosed with autism/pdd-nos/developmental delays (depending on who you listen to). He's usually not really violent towards other people, except when he gets in his rages. These are normally directed at me (because I step in when I see it coming) or my partner, Jason, who also will step in if he sees the rage starting.

It didn't use to happen that much, now it's happening up to 3, 4, 5 times a day.

I'm worn out. I'm bruised. After a particularly bad time at Best Buy we came home and I took a shower. After I got out I noticed a large bruise on my chest. It goes along nicely with the ones on my arms and legs. I don't even remember getting the bruise, but I'm sure it happened in best buy. All I remember is hands and feet flying while I tried like heck to get out of there.

What do I do? I'm at my wits end. He's getting bigger and stronger. I won't be able to pick him up and carry him out of the store for long. He's going to do some serious harm to me before long.

He's such a sweet boy though. After his rage is over and he's calmed down he is so sad. A couple days ago he told me "I just want you to be happy mama" after he threw a (mostly non-violent) fit at dinner. But he doesn't even understand what he's doing. After the best buy incident today I got him calmed down in the car. I tried to talk to him about it and he had NO clue what happened. All he did was repeat over and over again lines from a Thomas movie (he does echolalia a LOT).

I'm so sad for my sweet little boy but I have no idea where to turn for help. "

Things have been getting worse and worse here lately. Some days are good. Some days are bad. The bad are starting to outnumber the good. We used to have days, even weeks, where Owen was doing great. But he's getting more and more violent lately. He gets into these rages where he can't control himself even if he wanted to. It's like, once he's there, there's no turning back. I usually have to carry him, kicking and screaming, from wherever we are. Sometimes I can snap him out of these, but not always. And it can be anything that sets him off. Monday at therapy it was because a drop of water got on his shirt after he washed his hands. Of course he can't wear a shirt that has a drop of water on it so we took it off (leaving his white undershirt on). But I didn't have a spare shirt in the car, so he had a huge fit/meltdown because I wouldn't/couldn't drive all the way across town to get him a shirt for therapy. Or today, at best buy, was because he kept running off. He wanted to look at movies, which was fine, BUT he HAS to tell me first and wait for me to come with him. No negotiations on that. Despite me reminding him to use his words and tell me what he wanted, he kept running off. He saw me coming after him (because he was running off) so melted down. He decided he was going to the movies alone and didn't want me to follow him. Uhhhh... no. Doesn't work that way. Huge meltdown/tantrum/fit/rage (whatever you want to call it) as I try to get out of the store as quickly as possible. He's got a scream like none other. One of Jason's friends works at best buy. He happened to be there today and heard the scream. He instantly knew it was Owen so went looking for us. Yup, my baby is well known for his killer scream. LOL!

Owen had an appointment with his ped on Friday to talk about getting another evaluation. He goes back on Wednesday, at which time we'll decide where we want to send him. It's between Cincinnati Children's Hospital or the Weisskopf Center in Louisville. I've heard that both will do a good, thorough evaluation on him (which is all I've been asking for for YEARS now). I am sad that we have to do this, but I can't put it off any longer. He needs help. I need help. Honestly, I don't care what they label him as (autism/pdd-nos/developmental delays) I just want to know what he needs to help him succeed and how I can get him that. That's all I want is for him to succeed and be happy.

On a positive note though... he did AWESOME at dinner tonight. We went to Carrabbas because Jason had the day off (a rare treat). For reasons we won't mention now (the kitchen SUCKED today!) dinner took about 1 1/2 HOURS! But Owen did great. He really did. He stayed in his chair almost the whole time AND he actually ate (a couple slices of bread, a whole kids pizza (minus the toppings and the edge crust) and a few bites of ice cream). I am very thankful for that, as we all needed a bit of a rest/break tonight!